So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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