Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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