i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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