Dual....:-)
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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