i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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