i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
