she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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