At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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