Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
