i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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