Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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