what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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