I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I only lived at night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
