First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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