She is in my trunk
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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