Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
