Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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