Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sarcasm needs its own font
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
