i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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