I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
