Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
