Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
