I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
