Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
