I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
