I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
