and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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