I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
