I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
