i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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