New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
