I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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