wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
