dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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