Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize