what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
