Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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