she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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