are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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