You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
