I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sext me about skeletons
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
