I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
