it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
