I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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