she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
