Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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