i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
