I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
