It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
