Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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