i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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