Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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