She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
