and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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