mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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