I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
