Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
