I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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